i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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