It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
What drink are we having for lunch?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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