So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Randomize
