Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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