Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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