You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
