I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
