Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Randomize
