tell your sister to shave her snatch
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
