She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
