My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
