why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Drunk is a universal language darling
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
