the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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