I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
