She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
