I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
