C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize