I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
