I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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