the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
