you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
