The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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