Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
