All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
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