Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
