No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
