No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
