I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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