Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
