question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
