Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
