1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
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