i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
