I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
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