All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
