only you would photoshop your dick
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
