Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Randomize
