If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
