I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
