maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
