I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
