Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
