Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
He? As in you personified your dick?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
