o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Randomize
