hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
And then he peed in my hair
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