You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
