he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
