you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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