I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
