She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i barfeds in our rink
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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