3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
