In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
