I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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