so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
