Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
