I wannas sexs uuuuu
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Randomize
