OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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