Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize