U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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