Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
