No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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