haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
