shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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