my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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