look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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