Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I just found puke in my bra..
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
