And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
How's work?
Spinning.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
OPIZZABONMYDICK
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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