false alarm. still invincible.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Randomize
