I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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