watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Brb crying the tears of my youth
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
