just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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