I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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