All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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