Plan B is the new Plan A
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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